I Wrote A Book

About eight years ago, my husband and I redid the kitchen in our apartment. Our apartment is not the biggest, and our kitchen is similarly minuscule, and you’d think that this would make a renovation manageable but it did not. If anything, it just served to emphasize how much work needed to be done. Every nail in the floor that needed to be pulled; every warped layer of drywall to saw through; every floorboard that needed to be repaired was a gargantuan undertaking, because there was literally no room for it to be lost in. We spent Saturdays and late nights on our knees with nail-pulls, and then on ladders with sanders, and then on our knees again with sanders, then getting exuberant with sledgehammers. We became experts at microwave cooking; I had vivid, yearning dreams about washing dishes in a sink.

We finished and began moving back into the kitchen the dishes, the food, the microwave, the old coffeemaker which was on its last legs, the new coffee grinder because we killed the old one making deathwish-strength espresso to power through late nights. And once it was all put back together, we were so exhausted and sick of being in the kitchen that we ordered pizza and ate it on the couch. Then we did it again. We had a new kitchen and were absolutely done with kitchens.

But one morning, I stumbled into the kitchen to make my morning cup of deathwish and was literally stopped short, because for the first time in months, I really noticed how much we had done on the kitchen, and it was all great. It all struck me at once, and I wandered in a (very tight) circle, admiring drawer pulls, the counter, the double-sink, the sink sprayer. When my husband came in to get some coffee, he found his very happy and slightly deranged wife standing in the middle of the room, beaming. “I love this kitchen!” I chirped. “Look at it! Look at everything we did!”

Guys: look! Look at it! Look at everything I did:

I WROTE THIS BOOK AND YOU SHOULD DEFINITELY BUY IT, IT IS GREAT!

This is my book: now called Word by Word: The Secret Life of Dictionaries, it’s available for (frickin’) preorder (YOU GUYS) at several different places, even! Order it from Penguin Random House here, or, if you’d prefer, get it at Amazon, B&N, IndieBound, or iBooksWord by Word will be released on March 14, 2017, and that is still the most surreal sentence I will ever write in my tiny, narrow life.

I’m sure you have questions. For instance, now that I am an authoress, will I abandon the blog and go hang out with Raymond Carver’s ghost instead? No. I find, after a long break, that I still have words and thoughts on words left over. You can expect me to blather in your general direction with more regularity.

What about book signings? Will I autograph copies? Where am I reading? Is there a launch party and will you be invited? IS YOUR NAME IN THE BOOK, OMG OMG OMG? Those are all excellent questions, but I am not going to answer them here on my blog. Let’s be honest: you come here for the witty commentary on what a gorgeous bastard English is, not for me to go over all Jonathan Franzen on you. So I have started up a newsletter, where you can get information about my book: where I’ll be reading from it, where I’ll be signing it, which bookstores I’ve left vandalized secretly autographed copies of that dumb book in, and all the public places you may accost me for a selfie or signed copy of the book. My newsletter will include all the best words, I guarantee it. Please sign up! Yes, even you, Kevin.

Thank you all for hanging in there through the radio silence. This is going to be fun.

 

 

19 Comments

Filed under book

19 responses to “I Wrote A Book

  1. What can I say but, “Yay you!”

  2. I really hope Kevin likes your book.

  3. Woo! I can’t wait to read it. And I love the title and cover. Huge congrats, Kory.

  4. davidly

    Sincere congrats! (and a sly ixnay on the on our knees with anderssay).

  5. Rusty Shackelford

    Congrats Kory!!! You rock!

  6. This makes me very happy in several ways!

  7. Deb Gann

    Kudos Kory! Can’t wait to read it!

  8. Erika R.

    Excellent. I’ve already sent the Free Library of Philadelphia an “Author Event” suggestion.

  9. I need a bigger ‘like’ button! Congratulations!

  10. Y

    I’m going to read it, and I haven’t even read any Raymond Carver.
    So, lexicographer you, how exactly do you use “YOU GUYS”? More than a mere pronoun, it conveys… I don’t know. Tell me.

  11. “I’m sure you have questions. For instance, now that I am an authoress, will I abandon the blog and go hang out with Raymond Carver’s ghost instead?”

    Surely not. You will provide blog comments every five months, just like before. See you in January.

    Congrats. Warning. You have to be “a human” to sign up to the newsletter. Or, at least pretend you are.

  12. Jenny Fanelli

    Quite possibly the best news of the day!!

  13. Christine Ennulat

    Yay! I learned about you, I snorted your blog from the first post, and then you … stopped. Twitter’s been entertaining but less satisfying. So glad the flow will revive (and the book is coming! Woot!).

    Also, Fungible Synonyms is my new hair band name.

  14. biggscott

    Q’apla! That is awesome, wordsmith! Congrats on the book. But I was intrigued by your kitchen anecdote. How does one renovate a property they don’t own? If you are renting, all that should fall on the landlord. Is the landlord a bum? Whenever you leave that apartment, you will’ve lost all that work. You must live in some wacky hyper-liberal state like New York or California. If you do, I’m sorry. Nobody should have to live in those liberal hellholes!

  15. Will you by any chance come to Germany for a reading? Or maybe Switzerland?

  16. love to read this, though late

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s